Why Change Feels Hard (and Why You Are Not Broken)
Have you ever committed to something that felt so right—so clearly beneficial—that you thought, “Yes, this is it. I’m going to stick with this”?
Maybe it was a new diet. Maybe it was dedicating yourself to going to the gym.
And maybe it lasted... three days. A week.
Maybe you started feeling better, energized, stronger—only to find yourself inexplicably avoiding it a few days later.
If so, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
You’re just human. And your brain is doing what it thinks it’s supposed to do: protect you.
Lately, I’ve been studying about our resistance to new habits - the work of the "belligerent brain". That part of the brain that doesn’t like change—especially the kind of change that requires slowing down, tuning in, and rerouting well-worn mental paths.
Your brain is not being mean. It’s trying to keep you safe. Familiar patterns—even if they’re exhausting or unhelpful—feel safer than the unknown. Why? Because they’ve worked in the past. They’ve helped you survive. And the brain’s number one job is just that: survival.
Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, puts it this way:
“Even if your behavior is dysfunctional, it has helped you to survive... Old neural circuits do not disappear, especially if they are tinged with negative or stressful memories.”
In other words, your resistance isn’t failure. It’s a sign that change is happening.
Real, lasting change—especially change rooted in nervous system regulation, self-awareness, and spiritual grounding—takes more than inspiration. It takes conscious commitment, loving support, and a whole lot of grace.
Your brain can change.
Meditation and relaxed, intentional breathing are two of the most powerful tools we have to gently reshape the brain’s wiring. When we breathe calmly, sit quietly, and focus our attention with intention, we send signals of safety to the nervous system. Over time, these signals carve out new patterns in the brain—making it easier to shift from survival mode into a more grounded, resilient way of living.
But those changes don’t always feel easy or natural at first. In fact, they might stir up discomfort, frustration, or even resentment.
That’s normal!
The key? Well, here are some suggestions that worked for me, and have worked for clients of mine:
Start small, with a conscious commitment to show up each day
Surround yourself with people who will encourage and honor that effort. Connection is so important
Practice. Even just a few minutes a day
And don’t forget to bring your optimism and faith into your self-talk. This is vital
So where do you start?
Pick one goal. Right now.
It doesn’t matter what you choose—just go at it with intention, being relaxed (by doing your breathwork and meditation), and staying focused on the goal, and your brain will begin to support you in ways you may not even notice at first. These three principles are the foundation for creating new neural pathways—ones that gently lead you toward change without pressure, shame, or burnout.
Start with a small breathwork practice. Just a few minutes.
Breathe in slowly...
Breathe out even slower...
Feel your body begin to soften and settle.
Once you’ve practiced breathing in this relaxed way, try a 5-minute meditation.
Don’t worry if your mind wanders. Don’t worry if it feels like “nothing is happening.”
Whether you notice it or not, the benefits are taking place.
Neuroscience confirms that when you show up with calm intention, your brain begins to rewire itself—strengthening the circuits that help you stay present, respond to life with grace, and move toward the version of yourself you want to be.
This is the quiet, steady path to transformation.
Not perfection. Just practice.
Ten, fifteen, maybe thirty minutes a day of showing up for yourself—not to fix yourself, but to remember that you’re already whole and capable of change.
Ready to begin?
Read this post for a gentle, beginner-friendly guide to meditation.
You’ve got this.
And I’m cheering you on—one breath, one moment, one practice at a time.
